But First...: H to the Izzo

Well, we're back after several days of Sasktel-induced no-internet misery. As we join our houseguests, Janelle is preparing to touch up Boogie's hair. She uses the same brand of highlights as Erika. Isn't that crazy?? Boogie says Erika doesn't do her own. Janelle corrects herself, she uses the same brand as Erika's hairstylist. Isn't that crazy?? Then they get all whispery and call someone a bitch. Whoops, they're not whispery, my volume is just turned down. Anyways, the touch ups commence.

This looks just like slop

Root to tip

Boogie is spilling the beans about James, and that James was going to nominate Howie, or something. Personally his hair is just too distracting to listen to what he's talking about.

It burns

Suddenly Boogie starts wigging out saying, "It burns! It burns!" Janelle inspects the area to which he's frantically pointing, and says he has..."A RASH??" He asks, without letting her finish. "Yeah," she continues, "or a cut." "Probably from the bushes the other night. God. Those competitions are so embarrassing," Boogie whines. "Yeah, well at least you didn't have to wrestle a 30 year old man for a doll," Janelle counters.

Time to check out what else is going on...Will, James, Erika, and George are in the kitchen, practicing writing on t-shirts? Oooh! The table is all full of arts and crafts supplies. It seems they're drinking some wine and..yes, making t-shirts, or something. I don't know. Erika starts humming "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)" but she can't pull it off. She's lame. James asks if there's only one colour of t-shirt writing stuff left, and yes, there is. Therefore he's "not participating in this bullshit."

snap, H to the Izzo, V to the Izzay, snap snap

Boogie comes out to the kitchen and George gives him a "wooooooow, duuuuuuude!" re: the hair, which isn't even done or washed out or anything yet. Patience George, the show only gets better! Boogie says he's also going to cut it. George asks Erika if there's any dye left. She only has brown. Boogie immediately tells him, "No dude. Chicken George Clooney. It's about the grey." James doesn't think he should dye his hair either. Erika says he should. George says he'll stick with the grey. He makes some slop. The camera zooms in and out on his face.

Erika and Danielle are in the HOH room listening to Jay-Z, MTV Unplugged. I just heard him say so. Jay Z's voice seems out of place in the BB house. Oh, flames. I don't know how they made the headphones so loud as that the mics could pick it up. Anyways, so that's where Erika learned that song, and promptly invented her own snappy hand jive to perform it to.

Will and Janelle are walking laps in the back yard. They're making up some sort of elaborate story, a la Radford Place. But I think this is a whole new story. Janelle and Will are in high school and secretly in love. Will tells Janelle that he's loved her since he first saw her, and Janelle says she feels the same way and thinks they should be together no matter what everyone else thinks. They're going to keep the relationship secret for now but eventually "make it happen." Will pauses to ask if Janelle is fully referring to her "made up little world based on Flowers in the Attic" or if any of what they're saying is applicable to current real life situations. Janelle says it could be either. Anyways, back to the story. They are sick of hiding. Will suggests that since they're going away to college in a year, they should try to keep it a secret just that long. Janelle wants to tell their parents. She doesn't want to feel like she has to hide. We then flash forward (well Will does, I don't really know where we were to start with) to breakfast "the next morning," when Janelle's dad says, "Well, since I'm your dad now too, I want you to know I really appreciate what good care you've taken of Janelle, you all have really hit it off." Will thinks "you have no idea dawg!" Ok, so apparently Janelle's mom married Will's dad. Oh! And her dad married his mom. This reminds me of Shannon and Boone and makes me a bit queasy. Ew!

Anyways, Janelle's mom is glad that Janelle is spending time with her new older brother, but suspects a bit of a crush. So she sets Janelle up with her boss's son. She runs to Will and says, "Will! She's making me go out with Bobby Fisher!" and he snaps, "The chess champion!" So he eventually agrees to go on a double date with her and Bobby Fisher and Bobby Fisher's sister. Bobby Fisher's sister is Posh Spice. Bobby Fisher is nerdy and Posh Spice is super hot. This is confusing and weird. Posh Spice is, and who can blame her, totally into Will. Now the camera switches to bitter James putting away laundry, so we'll never know how this all turns out. I'm sort of OK with that.

Now we get to see Boogie blow drying his hair. Then he and Will request a double diary room session. Will is singing "Golddigger." Whoever is manning the flames tonight sure isn't on the ball. It's been like a broadway musical up in here.

Nice job on the roots if I say so myself

Erika and Danielle are outside playing pool. Erika is now whistling "Izzo (H.O.V.A)" with all her heart. This apparently stokes her creative fire as she suddenly exclaims that "[they] should all sign the shirt!!!" She bursts into the house exclaiming such. What is the deal with this shirt or shirts?? Anyways, with Erika in the house signing the shirt or whatever, Danielle saunters over to the hammock and maliciously taunts James with a pool cue. I like her a little more now. She asks him whether he's "giving up the ghost." That means you're dying, you're dead, that's a wrap, you want to go home. He isn't. Then she channels Howie and light sabers it up with the cue a bit. "Get yer damn hands up," Erika sings. I bet Jay-Z is retiring that song from his catalogue as we speak.

America's choice is for me to jam this right in your eye

Welcome to the dark side

Erika wants everyone to sign "George's shirt." So I guess it's just one shirt. James asks if there's an "apostrophe s in All Stars." Janelle sounds it out. "All. Stars." "No." George says he loves arts and crafts. Yesterday Danielle made ravioli at 4 in the morning. George calls 'Doc' and Boogie over to sign his shirt when they return from their tag team DR session.

How many z's in all starz?

Will and Boogie brag that someone "might be called to the storage room soon" which means they persuaded the producers to give them more alcohol. A little while later, Danielle says they won't let her in storage. "That's because they're putting something in there," promises Will. Boogie...dries his hair again? OCD much? Is it really that wet? I'm confused. At least he's giving us his best Jaseface.

Just...can't...get it....dry!!

Someone cheers, they got alcohol. YAY! "Big props to Cory!" someone says. I agree. Let's all stop to give big props to Cory. That's the DR hookup that gets people what they want, if you'll recall. If you were in prison and needed something thrown over the wall, you would trust Cory to get the job done. Flames. You guys, you're totally blowing Cory's cover.

A while later, Boogie goes to shower. He's going to have to dry his hair again. Erika comes in an sneaks a peak at his junk while he washes his hair. He needs to get those highlights out! She stumbles downstairs. Everyone's drinking wine. James says he refuses to lose the game to Danielle "The Wine Cellar" Reyes. Erika and Danielle in particular seem to be getting pretty tipsy pretty quick! Good times. James says that Erika's mom is going to get grandchildren for her birthday, cause Boogie's drinking 2 bottles of wine. He and Danielle shoot pool, make light saber sounds, and then tell each other to cut it out with the sounds.

Don't worry, my pants will illuminate the table

Oh dear. The camera now switches to the HOH bathroom.

I think that's pretty self explanatory. Someone's feeling frisky thanks to some rockin new highlights and 2 bottles of wine. They have to wear sunglasses and hats because they both have body image issues. Boogie is grateful that Erika shaved her legs at least. Erika says she's making out in front of her parents on her mom's birthday. Oh god, now there's nipple touching and a possible hand job. This is all very romantic. Next she'll capture his heart with a sultry rendition of "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)."

They continue to explore their feelings and bathing suit areas and I'm really envious that I can't drink a bottle of wine in the bathtub right now. They keep trying to add hot water but there isn't any. They trade hats! Well, she's as good as pregnant.

They're having like history's longest bath. Boogie intermittently talks about such date-inappropriate topics as strategy and Erika's ex boyfriends. 2 of them were BB stars! She's into big personalities. Boogie wants to give more props to Cory. "Good producer decision!" Ah HA! So this Cory is a producer, and not just some DR minion...the plot thickens. Then we have some more full fledged soapy groping, wine sipping, and stupid Boogie comments like, "Ah yeah, holla!"

The bath wraps up and nothing too eventful is happening now...all four cameras are on Boogie and Erika...he says his spooning cred is through the roof cause he's spooning with America's Choice. He's down for whatever, and has some great lines: "We have condoms here, what's the problem? I know I'm not Kay-zar...." Erika giggles. They settle for spooning, and nestle in for a long summer's nap.